Back on track with yoga

A few days ago I hurt my back. I was overzealous and lifted a couch and twisted slightly the wrong way. Immediately my back went into spasm and I had to lie down. Never mind the fact that I had to teach two classes the next day, or that I hadn’t even landed in our new home or unpacked my bags.

I don’t hurt myself often but when I do I get annoyed. The frustration is in the fact that I could see it coming. I am a compulsive over-doer, overachiever and I have been working for years to curb my enthusiasm. My husband calls me “Squirrel”. He says it’s because I never stop moving.

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In yoga, the ones who love to do are called Pitta types. Pitta is composed of fire and a small amount of water. We are literally on fire, passionate, hot and often don’t stop until it’s too late.

With all the excitement of the last 9 months, I am so glad I live and breathe yoga. Without my practice, I’d probably have done more damage than strain my back for a day or two. No matter what goes on in my life, no matter how tough things get having a variety of yoga practices in my toolkit means I never hit empty.

My first stop is always the breath. Whether it’s waiting for my levels to come up from a low, or dealing with a dreaded hot flush ( yep… I am post-menopausal) or just feeling like it’s all getting too much. Stopping, dropping and taking ten slow breaths are my kind of pushups.

And it’s not just any kind of breaths it’s ten full complete breaths. I wrote about it a while back in this post and video practice. You’ll love it!

Next, I get my stretch on. Stretching is much more than just a feel-good exercise. It super connects you to the highway of your nervous system. The nervous system is designed to be your ally. When you need energy it ignites you so you have the fuel you need to get stuff done. It’s also your ultimate chill pill, enabling you to move through life without ‘sweating the small stuff”. The nervous system takes quite a beating when you live with diabetes. All the fluctuating blood sugars wreak havoc throwing you into the fight or flight response. Most of us, diabetes or not spend about 80% of our time in flight or flight. It should be the reverse. Stretching signals the nervous system to relax. Clasping your hands and reaching your arms up overhead and leaning from side to side is enough to bring you back to the relaxed part of your nervous system.

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My last and most favorite practice is to work with Mudra. Mudras are hand gestures which also work with the nervous system. Bringing the hands into specific positions concentrates the mind and calms the emotions. Learning to do yoga with your hands is the easiest and best kind because you don’t have to be fit or flexible to practice. Recently I shared a mudra sequence with patients recovering from various forms of cancer. Most had limited mobility and energy. Being able to bring the hands into a shape was blissfully relaxing and restorative. Here’s a short mudra practice I posted on the blog if you’d like to try it.

With some deep breath work, stretching and my mudra practice I’m no longer flat on my back. Phew, it feels good to be pain-free again.

I love how Yoga always gets me back on track!

with great respect…

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Striving for gold

It’s been a long road. From my initial diagnosis in 2008, starting long-acting insulin in 2014, to finally biting the bullet by adding short-acting this past January,  I’ve reached a milestone. A thumbs up from my diabetes HCP.

I have never put so much hard work into anything in my life. Counting carbs, measuring up minute insulin doses, Intermittent fasting, diligently sticking to my twice daily yoga practice. Staying hydrated, sleeping 8 hours a night and doing everything I can in the middle of a non-stop book launch tour to avoid stress.

It’s been a marathon!

Hearing, “Your diabetes is under control.” didn’t make me hoot and holler or give me permission to drop the ball. Instead, I feel apprehensive. What if I can’t keep it up? What if it was a fluke? Even more pressing is the thought,  “I can do better.”

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But then what? Getting my levels in the ideal range is a worthy goal. As hard as I’ve worked in the last 6 months I know I’d have to work even harder.  The big question right now is; am I up for it? Or… is it okay to paddle for a while?

I’m ready to pause. Pause perfection, pushing, expectation, assumption, hope, striving.  Ready to receive, let love, reflection, acceptance and guidance flood in.

When I was studying ballet in my early teens and starting pointe work  I assumed that the elegance of balancing on the end of my toes would be the ultimate pinnacle. In reality, it was unglamorous. My toes were often bloodied and bruised. I developed bunions and callouses and would wince and limp for days and weeks after practice. I learned over time to distance myself from the physical pain and to shut down any feelings of inadequacy around the shape and strength of my feet. It was in the depersonalization that I mastered the ability to balance and turn. It wasn’t easy but I did it.

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I feel the same about living day in and day out with diabetes. Taking a few steps back, a breath, a moment of stillness when I feel everything backing up on me means I can pause and begin again.

Even though I’ve spent the last 6 months striving for the gold standard and achieved it. I’m ready to create and adjust.

That’s the essence of what it means to be flexible in yoga practice. When a posture feels insurmountable, you don’t push to your edge. Instead, you back off, warm up the surrounding muscles and work up to the pose over days, weeks, even months. A slow build yields lasting results.

So instead of cutting back more on my carbs, increasing my insulin doses and watching every mouthful. I’ve got a plan. I’m going to be like the tortoise in Aesop’s fable, the Tortoise, and the Hare.

Slow and steady wins the race.

with great respect…

rachel

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Grace

There’s a lot of things I am supposed to be doing today. Writing three blog posts, sending out my newsletter, contacting media, calling a friend, organizing my travels and paying my bills. But I can’t.

I’m tired. Not just because I am on a steep learning curve with my diabetes management having added fast acting insulin to my regime, but because it’s too much to be a one person everything.  I wish I could press the slow-mo feature on my iPhone. Life and its pressure are relentless. I ache for simplicity.

When I first set out to write this blog I assumed I’d be sharing tons of yoga sequences, with tips and tricks for making life with diabetes easier. Even though that’s been the main focus, I’ve also realized that blogging about chronic illness and expressing my feelings about what it’s like to live with diabetes are as therapeutic as the practice itself.

When I write I find acceptance and gratitude.

There’s an image I use when things get tough. My yoga teacher gave it to me years ago as a way to let go and acquiesce to circumstances.

I imagine myself on the ground, belly down with arms outstretched at the feet of something greater.  Call it divinity, a deity, the beloved, creation. Whatever I call it for me, that image is grace. I literally “pray for grace”

And even if my prayers are not answered the way I would like I always feel lighter, more courageous and ready to try again.

With great respect…

rachel

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Diabetes: A total head spin!

I love certainty. Knowing exactly what to expect in a situation keeps me calm. When I don’t know I try to guess… But living with diabetes is different. I can’t really make a guestimate when my life is at stake.

After my first rapid-acting insulin injection a few weeks ago, I had a total meltdown, my blood sugar skyrocketed and I had to make several trips to the loo. It reminded me of one of those dares your friend gives you when you’re a kid like; I dare you to take off all your clothes and run around in the snow or, I dare you to tongue kiss Danny Marsden. You want to do it, but you’re also terrified. What if you freeze your butt off or end up swallowing his tongue!

There were definitely things to be paranoid about. Not getting the dose right, reacting to the insulin, the insulin not working, injecting into a muscle and crashing my blood sugars. Not to mention that the sheer mechanics of getting the shot ready were a nightmare.

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I had no idea you had to prime a syringe, that a ½ unit is a tiny tiny amount so tiny you can hardly see the plunger moving when you push it in and that pulling insulin out of a pen without all the proper handling techniques can make your syringe fly across the room.

It became obvious quite quickly that listening to my CDE tell me what to do and doing it were two different things. In the beginning, there was a lot of insulin wastage. Something I don’t like doing as I am very aware of the cost of this life-saving medication. As those of us living with diabetes know, insulin does not grow on trees!

After two days of trial and error and wondering if it was ever going to work, it did. My postprandial blood sugar coasted up a mere 10 mg/dl and then 2 hours later coasted right back down.  I couldn’t believe it. Working with long-acting insulin to cover meals meant I always went up between 40 to 50 mg/dl after every meal… I’d gotten so used to the spike I didn’t see it as an issue. Even though logically I know it’s those spikes that give me a higher A1c.

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Success didn’t last long, just because it worked perfectly once didn’t mean it worked like that again. The day after my very successful bolus I wrestled with lows. urgh.. the frustration… now I had to wait for my blood sugar to come up again to try bolusing with a meal. I even lowered my long acting to see if that was the issue and then WHAM…the next day blood sugars were too high.

Count carbs, prime needle, take the shot, monitor blood sugar, treat a low, check blood sugar, take a correction OMG! It’s a total head spin.

I am in awe of every single person living with diabetes. I am stunned by how inaccurate the treatment methodology is. No wonder we need diabetes coaches, peer support, better and better technology’s and smarter insulin and did I mention YOGA!

with great respect from the trenches…

rachel

 

 

I’m Possible

What I love most about the Diabetes Online Community is the beauty that flourishes through sharing our stories. Today I wanted to share a guest post by Doris Hobbs the founder of Rich in Love. Doris reached out to me just after my crowdfunding campaign and shared her story with me. Type 1 diabetes runs in her close family. Her courage in accepting her eventual diagnosis and how she met it with glamour and determination is the subject of her blog. In her guest post, she shares how attitude and mindset help her to manage her disease with grace. Take it away Doris!

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I was diagnosed with diabetes at 33, I would have never imagined that just 3 years later I’d see this auto-immune disease as a gift rather than a curse.

10 months before my diagnosis I lived in uncrated fear, unwilling to admit I could be a diabetic. With each passing month, my life slipped from underneath me. I began to lose weight rapidly, a feeling of fatigue followed each action, endless thirst and blurred vision with momentary blindness; I was fighting to stay alive and ironically knew the solution and chose to ignore it.

The night I was hospitalized I was near death later discovering my A1C was 11.2%. If I hadn’t sought medical attention I would have eventually slipped into a coma during the night. While the doctor shared my laboratory results, I clearly remember staring at the cold white walls of the emergency room, a number of IV’s stationary in my veins and saying to myself with determination, “I will find a cure, this is not my ending”. From that moment, I’ve gone on an empowering life journey as a type 1 diabetic seeking a cure.  For what others say is impossible I see as possible as I know I’m possible.

Diabetes has allowed me to view the world I want to create, not the world I currently live in.

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I am proud to share I currently have an A1C of 5.9% pre-diabetic, with the goal of 5.6% in the next year ahead (approx. 6/2018). How did I reach this astonishing result? Through the daily practice of leading a health-conscious mindset that is fed by a BE-DO-HAVE Paradigm Shift, in addition to clean eating, the knowledge of our bodies biochemistry and a daily fitness routine.

When I was diagnosed I didn’t want to wear a pump or go on an impractical diet plan, instead, my desire was to create a new lifestyle, something of substance which in return would only enrich my life positively.

Have you ever wondered what was on the other side of life for you? It’s quite simple to know because, what you want, wants you. We forget that our actions, daily behavior, and spoken words carry enormous weight in creating our reality.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue,” King Solomon once said. Whether we realize it or not, we are shaping our future by the words we use every day.

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Change is inevitable. Nothing stays still. Life is in constant motion shifting you through positivity and setbacks, but if you take a closer look at those hardships you’ll find a hint of glamour, I did with the mindset to not allow my diagnosis to define my existence.  Now, with a footing in what my true purpose in life is I awake each morning with gratitude for another day to inspire others with glamour, a story, authenticity, and an unbinding courage to never give up despite what my day or diabetes may bring.

Try and remember that each day; you become what you think of most. Rather than registering difficult thoughts, look around you and make note of what you appreciate most in life. There is hidden treasure filled with fortune if you do.

Since my diagnosis I’ve brought a message of positivity through worldwide media exposure for several prestigious diabetes organizations: Beyond Type 1, JDRF, American Diabetes Association, Diabetes Alive, and T1D Exposed. I’ve also been featured on Hawaii News Now, 101.7 KKIQ, 92.1 KKDV, Healtheo360, Diabetes Connections, East Bay Times, Diabetes Power show, T1D Exposed Nude Calendar Advocacy Project, Bay Area Focus, and Diabetes Late Nite for my advocate efforts.

At the end, exploring your health and evaluating the areas that are in need of change will enable you to develop constructive behavior. By being proactive you are bringing freedom and new meaning to not only your life but to those who cross your path.

Live in love, find your inner peace and abundance will follow.

KKDV Beyond Type 1 PSA

A San Francisco based Luxury Liaison, Doris Hobbs bridges the world of MEDIA with unmistakable elegance through both written Storytelling & Visual Imagery. Known as the Creative Visionary of Rich in Love, an accomplished Media Maven and Fashion Doyenne she has partnered with some of today’s Leading Publications and Television Networks. Named by Diablo Magazine as “Best of the East Bay”, featured in the San Francisco Chronicle, InStyle Magazine, Hawaii News Now, CBS13/CW31 and KPIX-TV CBS television networks. Doris continues to breathe new life into her sought-after glamour persona & profitable branding campaigns while maintaining a voice as a Diabetes Awareness Advocate.

Twitter: doris_hobbs
IG: richinlovefashion
FB: doris.hobbs
Web: richinlovefashion.com

New intentions for a new year

With just one day to go until New Year’s Eve every letter in my inbox and blog post is about reflecting on what’s been and looking to what’s ahead. It’s hard not to get caught up in the frenzy and to think I need to make resolutions too. If I could make a resolution that would eliminate diabetes from my life believe me I would. But sadly I can only manage my relationship to the disease which doesn’t have a sense of endings nor new beginnings.

I’ve decided to start my new year in a different way. A couple of days ago I signed up for the Mysugr bundle with the intention of getting support for adding fast-acting Insulin at meal times. I’ve been injecting Basal insulin for the last 3 years and my yoga practice combined with a low carb diet, daily walks, meditation and breathing have kept my levels in range.

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Now I want better control. My CDE suggested I start with a ½ unit of Apidra with my meals, but even with her instructions, I’ve been holding off because, to be honest, I AM FREAKING OUT! Just like I did when I started insulin therapy. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster working up the courage to take this next step. I’m learning that no matter the challenge, it doesn’t work to run in the other direction. Especially when my health and well-being are at stake.

Luckily peer support and diabetes technology can help to bridge the gap.

As soon as I signed up for the Mysugr bundle, which includes an accu-chek guide meter and unlimited test strips delivered to my door, my diabetes coach Gary Scheiner said “Hi” via the app. I was able to chat with him and get advice on when to dose according to my uploaded data within minutes. How cool is that!

I bought Gary’s book Think Like a Pancreas when I started Insulin in 2014. In fact, I took his book with me for my 8- month trip to South Africa and read it from cover to cover. I never thought I’d get his personal support in helping me to manage my health. But then I never thought I’d meet half the people who inspire me every day to live well with this condition. In my experience, the diabetes community is welcoming in a way that has gone beyond any other community I’ve been involved in (including the Yoga community.) It’s brought me to tears and opened my heart and had me in awe every single day.

It’s also why I want to spread awareness.

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This whole holiday season has been about that for me. Bringing my family into the reality of what its like for me to live with Type 1. Showing my Dad my snacks for lows, having my 11-year-old niece help me work out the carb count for my lunch or talking with my mom about why people with diabetes can tend to live in isolation. Awareness definitely breeds compassion and support.

As the holidays come to a close and I prepare for 2018 there is one resolution I’d like to share. It’s the tradition of practicing the Sankalpa meditation. Sankalpa means “ setting an intention” rather than being something we resolve to do, it’s something that arises from the ground of our being. Intentions for me in the past have been single words like love, support, authorship, openness. Whatever the intention I let it percolate until I feel its birth in me. It could be a week, a month or a year later.  Rather than worrying about when my intention will fruit I enjoy the adventure along the way.

 “You are the beginning of the journey, you are the journey itself and you are the destination.” John Weddepohl

Wishing each and every one of you a love filled, joy-filled healthy New Year.

With great respect…

rachel

Sweetness, beauty, and love

Today I offer you a guest post from my friend Sarah Tomlinson. Sarah and I met when I was planning the NYC leg of my book launch. We discovered that we both had a passion for yoga, yantras and all the wonderful tools that promote health and wellbeing. Sarah also lives with Type 1 Diabetes. I asked her to share how she has come to terms with her diagnosis and how she supports others to live well through working with the power and beauty of yantras.

Take it away Sarah!

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Venus is the planet of love, it is also known as the planet of Art and Beauty. Being an astrological ayurvedic counselor I am very much involved with the significance of the planets. I have been living with type one diabetes since I was 21years old. It struck in the middle of many years of healthy eating and yoga and meditation.

Type one is an interesting auto-immune disorder and the stress reduction technique I craved with this diagnosis was to do with soothing my emotions. I had the physical practices in place, as a longtime yogini and mindful nutritionist but I longed for something that would soothe my emotional unrest and allow me to, for a while, forget about the physical body. Could I be transported into a spiritual practice that was not focused on the physical body?

A few years later I met a renaissance man, his name was Harish Johari, not only was he at the forefront of bringing Eastern teachings of mysticism to the West, he also brought the knowledge of sacred geometric shapes, known as Yantras to us. Once I discovered that drawing and coloring these was a form of prayer I was hooked.

He gave me twenty-four Yantras to work with. Each one induces a calm yet specific vibration within the viewer. As I studied these, embracing each one fully, I started to notice that as my Yantra practice deepened, my blood sugar levels became more stable. By not focusing all of the time on the physical aspect of well-being I filled up my well of emotions, which had become somewhat of a destitute wasteland and regained some mental and emotional balance.

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Venus is the planet of sweetness. The sweet taste is associated with Venus. I wonder if there is something here, love, sweetness, beauty, and Art. Something that I felt was lacking when I became diabetic, and maybe even was the source of my imbalance when I developed this condition, was becoming fulfilled with this Venusian practice of creating Yantras.

And this spectacular practice draws me in daily. I draw, I color, for maybe 10 minutes and maybe two hours, each day. It is the time when I find the bliss of the present moment, I get to focus on me, the real me, the me that is happy, soothed and contented. From this place, I can move out into my day with grace. I am more in tune with the beauty and positive things around me.

I teach Yantra Painting to bring this practice to others and to continue to learn about the qualities each of the twenty-four Yantras has. This is an incredible practice that comes from the ancient tantrics, the mystics from northern India, and yet it has helpful implications for today.

Last year I created the book “Coloring Yantras” to teach more people than I can reach in my workshops, about the healing power of the twenty-four Yantras, their meaning, and benefit, and to invite people to pick up a colored pencil or pen and start to color.

Try it, maybe it will fill you up with sweetness, beauty, and love too.

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Sarah Tomlinson is an internationally acclaimed Yantrika (Yantra teacher and practitioner), yoga teacher and artist, with renowned fans across the globe including Elena Brower and Sharon Gannon, co-founder of Jivamukti Yoga. Sarah worked extensively with her mentor Harish Johari in India, he initiated her into the spiritual practice of painting Yantras. She leads retreats and Yantra workshops around the world and enjoys lots of time by the ocean with her husband and two young boys.

You can find out more about Sarah @ www.sarahyantra.com  and order her books here

 

Dear Diabetes

You came like a thief in the night and stole away so much of who I thought I was but I’m not angry at you. I know it’s not your fault. Living in one in 11 people your role is complex. You attack unknowingly. You can be swift or drag out over years.
You do not discriminate. you don’t care about age, sex or race. You don’t care about the season or the time of day. You are like a fire that burns, a storm or a ground-shaking quake. You take life and yet you also engender life like no other.
When you came to me you were like a silent slow creeper, slowly choking my life giving beta cells. You were so quiet for years I didn’t even know you were there. You hid deep in my belly so I mistook you for something else. It was easy to imagine I could fix you.
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It took me so long to realize you were there it could have been too late. I let you wear away my nerves and eat away at my digestion… luckily your slow insipid presence was caught in time. And even though I kicked and screamed and tried to run and hide you forced me to face you head on. Tears streaming and wind on my face.
I’ve learned to lean into you, to ride you like a wild horse, to let you buck and throw but to never let go. Diabetes you are ugly, unpredictable and terrifying. Yet there is a tenderness to living with you. A faith I’ve learned to keep. A delicate balance which has engendered sensitivity, compassion, and care. A moment by moment gratitude for each breath and heartbeat.
A standing on edges of cliffs, without needing to jump or fear the precipice. A strength beyond capability. A grounded being of courage.
Diabetes you have allowed me to know courage, friendship, camaraderie and devoted surrender.
#DearDiabetes You have given me one more day.

The Book is Here!

Ok… here goes…. this is my first ever shameless self- promotion post.

My book, Yoga for Diabetes How to Manage your Health with Yoga and Ayurveda is in stock on Amazon and right now it’s on sale for $20.70 US that means $7 off the list price.

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This is the moment you’ve been waiting for! A chance to learn first hand how yoga can support you in living your best with diabetes. It doesn’t matter what sort of diabetes you have, your age or level of fitness you will love this easy to implement approach which includes the perfect tools to manage stress, reduce cortisol levels and increase insulin sensitivity. Find the right postural practice for you and your type of diabetes and learn basic breathing and concentration techniques to enhance happiness.

As I am currently in the US to promote the book you can also catch me live in stereo at an event in a city near you. Head to the events page to find out more

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And If you’re in or near Los Angeles why not come and join me for the official launch party at Mystic Journey Bookstore 6.30-8.30 pm in Venice.

I’ll also be talking about the book and my personal journey with diabetes on KTLA on Wednesday, October 11 at 9.45 am PST.  Tune in and be part of the virtual celebrations!

Besides all the exciting stuff to do with the book, my blood sugars have been misbehaving. My body craves routine, so early starts and late night flights are playing absolute havoc. Luckily I do practice what I preach so my twice daily yoga practice has been an absolute lifesaver. As I write, I’m back in range, but the reading below (on my way to the book launch at Book Passage in Corte Madera) was not ideal.

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I guess I just wanted to share that like anyone living with diabetes this is the reality.  Trying to think like a pancreas is no picnic.

And as I share in the book,

Throughout my life, I have always wanted to help others, but simultaneously found it difficult to take responsibility for helping myself. Taking up a yoga practice, eating wholesome and nurturing foods, living life with devotion and reverence are just some of the ways I consciously give back to myself on a day-to-day basis. My life as a yogi is not a fad. And having a disease like diabetes, I can’t afford to be part of a trend anyway. That’s why I feel strongly that the simplicity and discipline of yoga, plus the lifestyle guidelines from Ayurveda are the perfect starting point no matter what type of diabetes you have. The postural sequences, breathing and meditation techniques, thoughts on yoga and its deeper meaning, and the Ayurvedic lifestyle suggestions are there to support you in facing some of the challenges that come with the disease. And top of that list, of course, are stress and burnout. I am confident that like me you will discover that yoga is a life-changing and life-enhancing system. And a great friend and companion that will hold your hand through all the ups and downs you are bound to experience.”

With great respect,

rachel

What brings me to my knees

When I was pregnant and about 6 years into my yoga practice I was asked to start a prenatal yoga class in my local town.  Looking back, I am amazed that everyone survived. I was inexperienced, teaching from a book and making grand claims about how the pain we were experiencing while stretching our legs was exactly like childbirth.

Then I gave birth. The pain was unimaginable and nothing like a hamstring stretch. How could I have been so blind!

Today after my second low blood sugar in two weeks, I feel like that.

Up until three weeks ago, I was a novice. Sure I’d had a few numbers teetering on the edge, but like a graceful dancer about to fall in her first performance, I’d somehow catch myself just in time and leap away with the perfect smile.

But yesterday brought me to my knees.

I’d woken up at 3.30 am with a perfect 5.5 mmol (in diabetes land we call that a Unicorn). I knew it would be better to get up, make myself a snack and get into the day than toss and turn and worry about a low.

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After completing a few administrative tasks and enjoying the efficacy of working before dawn, I took my morning basal dose (long-acting insulin). I’d been working the different spots on my tummy to avoid potential pitfalls. I.e. popping a blood vessel and injecting straight into a vein, and was trying a new technique to spread the skin rather than pinch so the needle didn’t go in too deep.

The needle went in without a hitch, I depressed the plunger and then waited for a count of 10. When I pulled the needle out there was a huge drop of blood and I could see a hard bubble forming under the skin.

Instead of panicking I decided that eating consistently all day would help to keep my levels on track. I enjoyed having a bigger lunch and a few extra snacks. Things were looking good. I’d stayed balanced for most of the day.

Then I took my 2nd Basal shot

I prodded my belly again for the perfect spot. Primed the needle, sunk it in and then… oh… no… ANOTHER BLEEDER! I stayed calm. This time there was no bubble and no mark. It was going to be fine

I happily made my dinner, ate my desert and headed to the computer to do a few tasks before a scheduled online evening meeting with one of my yoga students. I felt a strange itchy sensation on the right hip and just to make sure I wasn’t going low, checked my level.

2.6!!!!!!

Two friggin . 6

The shock of it was worse than the feeling. In fact, I felt absolutely ZERO, nada, nothing! I felt totally normal…I screamed, and my husband came running. We were on repeat (see my last blog). He’s telling me to breathe, stay calm and I’m chugging juice. He reminds me (like he did the last time) I really don’t need to drink the whole 250 ml.

2.6? I’m drinking it!

Then I sit on the couch and wait. My heart has stopped pounding and everything feels surreal.

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I feel sad. I’m sad for babies diagnosed at birth, for the mothers and fathers who get up all through the night to make sure they stay alive. For all the people in the world without insulin. For the adults like me who are diagnosed after a full life who now have to grapple with their new circumstances. For the lack of awareness and understanding that accompanies this disease. For the injustice from pharmaceutical companies who use diabetes for profit. I want to strangle someone, scream and pound the wall. But I’m actually too spaced out. I check my blood sugar every 5 minutes and gratefully watch the numbers on my meter rise in slow steady increments. When I hit 5.5 I relax.

I had no idea, I don’t know what I was thinking…. but I had no idea

Slow steady breaths definitely helped. Stretching out on my mat the next day also helped. Putting my hands together at my heart at the end of my practice just that little bit longer to acknowledge the absolute precious gift of life… that’s helped as well.

But really I don’t know how we can ever recover from the circumstances we find ourselves in until there is a cure. As someone said recently ” Insulin does not solve the problem”

So what does?

Knowing I am not in this alone and that there are millions just like me, doing their best to meet the challenges every day with courage, strength, and grace!

If you’d like to make a difference in the life of someone living with diabetes please consider donating to any one of these amazing charities.

Beyondtype1,  We are Diabetes,  The Betes,  T1international,  Diabetes Sisters