A joy to be alive

I can’t believe its the last day of Diabetes Awareness Month. When I set myself the task of writing a post a day it felt daunting. How was I going to come up with something to say every single day about diabetes? Turns out it’s not that hard. When you live with diabetes 24/7 there’s always something to say!

That’s the thing about the passage of time, it’s a human construct. We’ve decided based on a calendar we’ve created as to what time, day and month it is. Have you ever wondered what time it is on the sun? Timeless.

Living with diabetes is like that. It never ends. I’d like to think there’s a cure around the corner, but I’m realistic. For now the management tools we have available are enough. I’ve added yoga, ayurveda and a primarily plant based whole food, organic diet. I use every peer support group available and do my best to give back to the community. That’s the cool thing about living with type 1 diabetes I’m not alone. In every country around the world I know people just like me thriving.

At diagnosis I isolated myself and lived with guilt and shame until it became imperative that I educate myself about my condition. I still can’t believe it took me six years to do that. It shows how much the internet and knowledge around the condition have shifted in the last decade. A very good sign.

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With such positive changes in the way the general public and the diabetes community perceive diabetes I can only hope and pray that the situation around insulin pricing also changes for the better. No one should have to pay for their life.

Living with diabetes certainly isn’t boring, it’s a never ending kaleidoscope of unpredictability that put’s me on the razors edge. But I’m up for the task. It’s given me a strength I never knew I had, a conviction to make a difference and a willingness to let go of my ideas of how I think things should be.

Living with a chronic illness is more than just rising above a condition. It’s about living life to the fullest without preconceived notions, other people’s standards or idealised projections.

It’s a joy to be alive.

With great respect…

rachel

Sick with Diabetes

Usually I can fly 30,000 miles without a hitch but not this time. I’ve been hit by some sort of bug. Could be an allergy, could be my body trying to eliminate all the toxicity from breathing in smoke from the Australian bushfires or could be I actually picked up a bug. One thing I’ve consistently noticed about myself since diagnosis is that I hardly ever get sick. I know others have mentioned this too. It’s like diabetes gives us some sort of immune super power, where we are chronically ill but never sick. Weird!

I try to avoid exposure to bugs as much as I can. It can make me antisocial.  I won’t go to hangout with someone when they have the flu. Getting sick can wreak havoc on blood sugars. Fighting off a bug can raise levels, and having to take extra herbs or medications can lower levels. Even something supportive like Vitamin C can affect the accuracy of the readings on a continuous glucose monitor. Basically a cold or flu is a minefield I’d rather avoid.

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When I travel I wear a mask. It’s not pretty and I’m often the only one on the plane who wears one, but it seems to help. If nothing else it gives me a feeling of security.  Insecurity rears its ugly head when I am tired, sick and feeling irrational. Same as one of those out of control hypo moments. Brain offline, body shaking, must get glucose now kind of stuff.

Obviously this time the mask was no match for the super bug. Now I’m in that lovely cycle of watching and waiting. Watching how it progresses from excruciating pain at back of nose, to yellow phlegm, to sore throat, waking up every hour during the night, to loss of  voice. Where to next? No idea… Such fun!

Meanwhile my blood sugar seems to be staying in range for once. Go figureIMG_7258

And it’s a beautiful day in Africa! Nature is in full force in spite of my gluggy head. A little bird is building its nest in the rafters, the lion down the road is roaring, the natural bush around us is filled with cheeps and chirps and there is a presence and stillness in the surrounding forest and mountain scape that can’t really be described.

Yep, it’s definitely annoying to get sick when you live with diabetes, but it’s also a good opportunity to rest, reflect and appreciate one’s health.

Happy Thanksgiving!

See you tomorrow #NDAM #DiabetesAwarenessMonth

with great respect…

rachel

Just drop it

Writing every day about diabetes for diabetes awareness month is giving me the opportunity to share my innermost thoughts and feelings about diabetes. Hopefully it also sheds some insight into the inner world of anyone dealing with a chronic illness. Whatever crisis or challenge we face, it’s the ability to overcome, that transforms into a shared wisdom. I know for myself when I’m feeling at a loss as to how to deal with an aspect of diabetes management, finding out how someone else approached that same issue helps me enormously.

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I’m someone who likes to get it ‘right’. What I am learning ( slowly but surely) is that right is just a word I have been conditioned to believe in. There is no right way to do diabetes or anything for that matter. There is only what works for each individual.

Today I had an injection blunder. I put the needle for my long acting insulin in and it bounced straight back out squirting blood and insulin everywhere. When something like this happens it’s totally different to say dropping a pill on the floor. If I fumble and drop a pill, I just brush it off and swallow it. An insulin mishap however is totally different. I can’t determine how much insulin actually went in, so if I take another injection it could mean a hypo at some point in the future. All future bolus (fast acting insulin) calculations need to be taken into account. I’m hopeless at math so that’s a big issue right there. My motto for this one is better safe than sorry. So no extra insulin for me today which means possible higher levels all day. Total bummer!

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Stepping on my mat for practice it dawned on me that in spite of my earlier mishap, I make up the rules. I can’t change what happened, but I can change my reaction. A story from my teacher in India comes to mind. “When you hold something in your hand,” and he demonstrated the example by holding a red hibiscus in his hand, “holding it takes effort. But how much effort does it take to let it go? Dropping the flower is effortless.” He demonstrated this by letting go of the flower. As it effortlessly fell to the ground he added, “This is just like us. We hang on tight to our ideas, beliefs and ideologies until we are shown how easy it is to let go.”

Exactly my plan for today!  Just drop it.

See you tomorrow for #NDAM #DiabetesAwarenessMonth

with great respect…

rachel

I have diabetes, so what

Today ‘diabetes’ was the big topic of conversation amongst everyone I spent time with. I love how friends are curious about how I manage my daily life with this condition. I enjoy clarifying the differences between type 1 and type 2 diabetes, why we take insulin or sugar and the ins and outs of daily management. There are many diabetes myths out there, like people with diabetes can’t have sugar, or we take insulin for every situation, whether low or high, or that our diets caused our diabetes.

Diabetes is so much more complex and mysterious than that. It’s a bit like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. What I deal with in my iteration of diabetes is different to every other person with diabetes. That’s what makes it both frustrating and predictable. Living with diabetes means you can rely on its uncertainty.

And don’t get me started on how each person living with diabetes relates to their condition emotionally and mentally. In a recent conversation, a friend with type 2 diabetes stressed how exhausting it felt having to stay so vigilant with daily blood tests and visits to the doctor. In the end her way of dealing with it was to say, “I have diabetes, so what.”

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Listening to her take on diabetes made me reflect on my own approach. I could completely understand her position. Taking anything so seriously that it restricts your life can make you more unwell.

This is where I segway into my personal approach to management. It’s definitely the serious approach, where fear of complications such as loss of vision, amputation, kidney damage,and neuropathy give me the discipline and impetus for strict control. I’ve used my body my whole life to express myself through dance and yoga. The body being my joy meter. I remember thinking as a teenager that if I couldn’t walk, or dance I didn’t know how I’d cope. I feel the same way now as an avid yoga practitioner. I see the body as a powerful tool for health and wellbeing. If you can open, stretch and strengthen the body you can directly affect how you deal with any physical , mental or emotional stressor.

Luckily the daily discipline required of a dancer and yogi has its benefits, I utilise it  to be comfortable with eating the same kinds of foods at every meal, taking approximately the same amount of insulin, walking at a specific time each day, checking my blood sugar often and using yoga and meditation to mange my mindset. When I veer from my daily routine it takes days to catch up. It’s hard for me to experiment and try new approaches even when I know those changes would benefit me. I don’t want to beat myself up about my approach though… I’m fine with it. As one of my diabuddy’s once said,  “You do diabetes your way and if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

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Walking with my friend today we talked about how it feels when I see a positive number on my glucometer or I know I’m doing good time in range. ” Do you feel like you can take a moment to soak in the tone of that feeling? In other words stop and feel how good it feels to know your managing well? ” I absolutely loved the way she put this. If I can acknowledge the good feelings, really soak them in then perhaps those more challenging moments i.e low or high blood sugar freakouts, will be less stressful. I like the idea that even something as stressful as diabetes gives me the opportunity to embrace those feel good vibes and to heal my nervous system.

A nice way to acknowledge that even though I have diabetes, so what.

See you tomorrow

with great respect…

rachel

Subscribing to the Unsubscribe

It’s tragic, that moment when my inbox flags that someone’s unsubscribed from my newsletter. I know it’s not personal, but it is.

Feeling the inevitable gut punch when I post a newsletter is something I’m getting used to. It’s why I find it harder and harder to send them out and truth be told I’m a little envious of my unsubscribers. I’d like to do some unsubscribing myself

Like unsubscribing from Type 1 diabetes.

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It’s 6 am. I roll out of bed and pad to the computer, As I watch the myriad of newsletters come in the subject, “LOW BLOOD SUGAR” is staring me down. I click through the dropping numbers and glucose tabs to the fine print. Who wants low blood sugar in their inbox anyway? Not me. With a quick click, I’m done. PHEW!

One less newsletter to worry about until breakfast.

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The inevitable ping reminds me my next newsletter has arrived. This time the subject line reads, “BOLUS for BREAKFAST”. Again I scroll down to the teeny-weeny lettering and click the unsubscribe link, only to be led to a page which offers me numerous other ways to resubscribe

Bolus for Lunch ✅

Bolus for Dinner ✅

Basal for Bed ✅

Inject for a High ✅

I go through the process of unchecking all the boxes and BOOM no more bolusing for anything!

I feel an incredible sense of relief until I realize, I’ve got another mail. That annoying one where I have to manually write to the person and ask them to personally unsubscribe me. The subject reads, “Unknown Reason for High”.

As I write a diatribe to the person for not taking me off the list I find myself confessing, “Don’t you know I’ve tried everything already? Why can’t you just make sense? It’s no use showing up if you’re just going to be irrational.”

Blah Blah Blah

While I’m at it I rage unsubscribe to everything.

A bird flies overhead, the Sun rises and sets. The wind blows through evergreen trees and I feel calm again. I’ve tamed the beast and lived to tell the tale.

Now wouldn’t that be nice…

With great respect…

rachel 

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P.S if you’d like to subscribe to my newsletter go here 

Every day is a perfect day

One of my husband’s axioms is, “Every day is a perfect day. It just depends on what you do with it.” I love it. And it’s true, it’s up to me how I navigate this thing called life.

Take last week when we moved interstate. You might be thinking we packed a moving van, moved into a lovely house and spent the week unpacking all our stuff.

Nope.

We’ve been shacked up in an Airbnb fighting ant invasions while we house hunt, get to know the locals and continue our daily practice.

Before we moved everyone kept asking me if I was sad to be leaving where I’ve lived for 35 years. Trying to answer that is hard. John and I have been on the move for the last eight years. That’s eight years of living in Airbnb’s, sublets and house sits. As fun as it is to be a global yoga teacher, I’m ready to be in one place for long enough to teach weekly classes.

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I also get how I can’t make things happen just because I want them to.  It’s going to take time to find a place to live, to develop a reputation in the area and to find the right medical team as well. I can feel the tendency to want everything to be perfect right now. It’s tough facing my perfectionism. It follows me wherever I go.

Just before we moved I went to see my CDE to get my latest A1c. The results were even better than last time and a cause for celebration. But I didn’t celebrate. Not because I’m not proud of myself for smashing my goals, but because I can’t ignore how much work it takes to have a “normal” A1c.

A number is just that a number. It can’t reflect the sugar surfing, the micromanaging, sleepless glucose popping nights or the endless times I have to drag myself onto the mat and convince myself to practice because I know that if I don’t my levels will suffer.

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Being a yoga teacher doesn’t mean yoga comes naturally to me. Like everyone else, it takes discipline to keep it up. Even the most hardened practitioners admit they struggle. So how do I keep myself enthused?

I use my imagination and visualize myself going through my favorite postures, taking the time to slow my breath down.  Basking in the afterglow of meditation I imagine my day post-yoga. I picture my body strong and resilient.  I’m prepared knowing challenges will arise but trust I’ll be more accepting in my response.

As I visualize all these benefits from my practice I start to get excited about actually practicing and before I know it it’s happening. I’m on the mat making my dream a reality.

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So why not join me in a yoga for diabetes practice. We might not be able to outsmart our pancreas but we can sure as heck work on feeling our very best every day.

Because every day IS perfect…it’s all up to us!

with great respect…

rachel 

Stop the merry go round, I want to get off

Keeping up with social media, blogging, yoga teaching and just plain surviving is intense. As much as I love every single aspect of my life, I definitely get overwhelmed. Like today, after a night of surfing the edge of lows (6 glucose tabs later), I’m kind of a wreck.

I’ve always been good at “putting on a smile.” It comes from my dancer days when we were told that a smile is the best way to deal with a stuff up. i.e. falling on your butt.

I’m not sure smiling my way through frustration with diabetes is the answer. I should probably be doing more yoga. I do quite a bit, but I’m also teaching a lot at the moment so getting up early after a rough sleepless night means I’m sleeping in instead of groping my mat at dawn. If you don’t do yoga you’re probably thinking, jeepers Rachel give yourself a break.

And you’re right. I need a break….

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A break from diabetes would be awesome. A break from finger pricks and needle sticks. A break from counting carbs, guestimating doses, downing glucose tabs and the constant micromanagement that creates a dull ache in my brain that never ever goes away.

A break from getting letters from the DMV telling me I can’t drive without a medical assessment and the endless costs of this test and that test just to make sure I am not sliding backward. Which by the way I just found out I am. Hashimoto’s is now showing up even though ‘apparently’ my thyroid antibody count is down. ( Whatever that means…)

Like all good 21st century peeps I’ve signed up for endless free webinars and summits on thyroid and gut solutions. I’m seeing a neuroimmunologist, I’m drinking chicken bone broth, taking clean fish oil and probiotics, chlorella and I’m whole food plant based while having eggs.

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P.S If anyone gives me one more dietary guideline I’ll detonate!

And with all this endless frustration I’ve realised that I feel powerless. Powerless because chronic illness is not something that stops being chronic just because I want it to.

Chronic illness just is.

Even though I’m offloading my feelings, I also know that there are things I can do to alleviate my frustration.

Recently in a beautiful online women’s circle, the facilitator offered as an out for when we were wallowing in our emotions. Instead of saying yes to powerlessness, anger, or victimhood she reminded us to focus on going for what we loved.

When you focus on going for what you love your subconscious says yes to that.  So even if diabetes is a total downer, it doesn’t have to drag you under. A subtle shift in focus is all it takes.

Relax, I am guided and supported. My body will look after itself and find balance. You are LIGHT itself

In that spirit, I invite you to join me in this simple practice to stop the merry go round.

When you feel at your wits end with diabetes, when you feel fed up, burnt out, frustrated, spun out and overwhelmed imagine sloughing off those emotions like you would an old coat. Then step into a circle of light. In that circle are all the things you love, your creative desires, let the images come without effort. As you focus on what you love, feel yourself becoming lighter and light filled. Feel the delight and the freedom of you expressing your gifts. Then take a pen and paper and write down all the things that you felt and saw in your circle of light.

Once you’ve got it all down on paper get creative. Turn your words into a poem, a college, a song, a story. Put those words and the images in a place where you have your diabetes stuff so you are reminded to say yes to going for what you love.

Finally, trust that you are always guided and supported no matter what. Your existence is a blessing.

With great respect

rachel 

The Book is Here!

Ok… here goes…. this is my first ever shameless self- promotion post.

My book, Yoga for Diabetes How to Manage your Health with Yoga and Ayurveda is in stock on Amazon and right now it’s on sale for $20.70 US that means $7 off the list price.

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This is the moment you’ve been waiting for! A chance to learn first hand how yoga can support you in living your best with diabetes. It doesn’t matter what sort of diabetes you have, your age or level of fitness you will love this easy to implement approach which includes the perfect tools to manage stress, reduce cortisol levels and increase insulin sensitivity. Find the right postural practice for you and your type of diabetes and learn basic breathing and concentration techniques to enhance happiness.

As I am currently in the US to promote the book you can also catch me live in stereo at an event in a city near you. Head to the events page to find out more

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And If you’re in or near Los Angeles why not come and join me for the official launch party at Mystic Journey Bookstore 6.30-8.30 pm in Venice.

I’ll also be talking about the book and my personal journey with diabetes on KTLA on Wednesday, October 11 at 9.45 am PST.  Tune in and be part of the virtual celebrations!

Besides all the exciting stuff to do with the book, my blood sugars have been misbehaving. My body craves routine, so early starts and late night flights are playing absolute havoc. Luckily I do practice what I preach so my twice daily yoga practice has been an absolute lifesaver. As I write, I’m back in range, but the reading below (on my way to the book launch at Book Passage in Corte Madera) was not ideal.

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I guess I just wanted to share that like anyone living with diabetes this is the reality.  Trying to think like a pancreas is no picnic.

And as I share in the book,

Throughout my life, I have always wanted to help others, but simultaneously found it difficult to take responsibility for helping myself. Taking up a yoga practice, eating wholesome and nurturing foods, living life with devotion and reverence are just some of the ways I consciously give back to myself on a day-to-day basis. My life as a yogi is not a fad. And having a disease like diabetes, I can’t afford to be part of a trend anyway. That’s why I feel strongly that the simplicity and discipline of yoga, plus the lifestyle guidelines from Ayurveda are the perfect starting point no matter what type of diabetes you have. The postural sequences, breathing and meditation techniques, thoughts on yoga and its deeper meaning, and the Ayurvedic lifestyle suggestions are there to support you in facing some of the challenges that come with the disease. And top of that list, of course, are stress and burnout. I am confident that like me you will discover that yoga is a life-changing and life-enhancing system. And a great friend and companion that will hold your hand through all the ups and downs you are bound to experience.”

With great respect,

rachel

That Mysterious low

It finally happened! I’d heard about it, read about it, feared it, even dreaded it. But one can’t stave off the inevitable. At some point, if you live with diabetes and take insulin you’re going to have a mysterious low. Today it was my turn.

It would have made sense if I’d had lower levels when I woke up or hadn’t thought I’d seen the number 8 mmol just 20 minutes before. I’m not someone who ever crashes fast. In fact most of the time I’m a big flat line. Being a LADA ( Someone who lives with Latent Autoimmune Diabetes in Adults) I still produce some insulin and use a low carb diet with moderate protein and fats to keep things balanced. I take a small dose of long acting insulin and time my walks and yoga practice around the time my insulin begins to wear off. Usually, if I am heading towards a low, I feel hungry. So I’ll grab a high protein, hi fat snack to keep things in check. Plus I check my blood sugar all the time. I mean, I use test strips like Candy!

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So what the heck happened?

I have no idea! I noticed my hands were shaking when I sat down at my computer around 6.45 am. I checked my blood sugar levels, had my morning injection, (which had burst a small capillary, but I’d made sure there was no bubble or bruising under the skin) and decided that I should eat something to get grounded. I chose a small avocado which had a bit of a bitter taste, didn’t think much of it until I started feeling like I was itchy under my skin.  I never feel like that… usually, if I’m itchy it’s on my skin and I can see hives or something… but this was like a slow skin crawl… and I was shaking… I cooked an egg to have with the avocado and sat down to eat it and offhandedly remarked to my husband that I was shaking while I was eating which was weird. I didn’t think to check my blood sugar. Instead, I went to the bathroom ( probably too much information here but anyway…) and had a panic attack. Heart racing out of my chest, feeling even weirder I called out to my husband… “I’m feeling weird and now I’m having a panic attack.!”

My husband says, “Let’s go outside and sit in the sun.” So we sit down and he asks me what I’m worried about? I say, “I don’t feel worried it feels physical”…then I lift up my shirt to examine my imaginary hives…the skin keep crawling and I keep feeling weird. But the panic has subsided…we sit in the sun for about 10 minutes and then I think about checking my blood sugar.

My husband is standing right there when we get the results 4.1 mmol…I panic. My husband says, “Check again.” I pull out my other meter, it says 3.8 mmol…I panic more… my husband says, “Check one more time just to be sure.” I check again on my first meter…3.9 mmol.

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I RUN TO THE FRIDGE

My husband is trailing behind saying, “Stay calm don’t panic.”

I don’t listen, I open the fridge find my juice popper ( we have our juice in small bags here in Australia) The straw is missing! URGH!!! I get the scissors and cut the bag open and drink a big gulp. My husband says, “Okay stop there, it will be enough.” I’m like, ” NO! I can drink the whole thing.” I guzzle down the entire 200 gms of juice in about 1 minute. Then I lean against the counter, wild eyed.

I’m thinking to myself… and how long do I have to wait for my blood sugar level to come up?

I carry another juice bag and my meter back to the living room and sit on the couch… trying to figure out what happened. I was sure that the last time I’d checked my level was right before I ate. So I went through the log on my meter. I was shocked! I checked at 6.45 am… and then checked at 8.07 which was when I saw the low.

I’d started having breakfast at 7.30 am… so couldn’t have checked just before I ate. Had I imagined the whole thing?

I’ve heard people say that when you’re low you don’t think like you normally do. But I had no idea what that meant. I remember feeling completely aware of everything that was going on. So it seemed super weird that I didn’t do the one thing I was supposed to do…

CHECK MY BLOOD SUGAR!

And my husband used to me reacting to foods or having panic attacks in the loo didn’t think to ask me to check either.

Once my levels had returned to normal… (well not quite I did overshoot with the 200 gms of juice and am now running at about 9 mmol)  I’ve had a chance to reflect on what worked for me during the mystery low.

  1. I didn’t freak about the skin crawling sensation. I stayed calm and tried to figure out what it was
  2. When I started having the panic attack the first thing I did was calm down and breathe deeply, Then I called my husband
  3. I went outside into nature and put my bare feet on the earth
  4. When I finally did check my blood sugar level, I checked a few times just to make sure it wasn’t a mistake on the meter
  5. I knew exactly where to go to get what I needed, took the remedy and managed not to eat everything in site
  6.  I waited calmly for my levels to return to normal, watched my breath and trusted my body
  7. I decided to do a yoga practice to support my adrenals and to bring more circulation and blood to my brain to help stabilize my levels after the low
  8. I drank quite a bit of water knowing that I would go a bit higher than I liked from the juice to flush excess sugar out of my system
  9.  Lastly, I hugged my husband and counted my blessings for all of the above!

DIY Yoga

I’m someone who learns on the fly. When anyone ever asks me how I learned to do anything in the age of the internet I’m not shy to admit I google. Just yesterday my publisher asked me for a fact sheet. What the heck is a fact sheet? So I googled… now I know what a fact sheet is!

A few days ago I watched a webinar on how to create a Facebook group. In the first 5 minutes, I was introduced to Liz and Jean and given this scenario. What If I could win a million dollars by assembling an Ikea bed in 30 minutes. If you’ve never bought anything from Ikea bear with me.

noah-ark-ikea A million dollars? That could come in handy right ?

So here’s the thing… Would I hire Liz? pictured in a foreman’s hat with a clip board, Liz is an expert in Ikea bed assembly. Or would I rather be Jean? pictured with hands pressed heavily into her temples and looking worried and try to do it myself.

Which would you choose?

It would make sense to hire Liz if it meant winning a million dollars. But here’s the thing… If I can master something that seems almost impossible it means I can do anything. And that includes managing my life with diabetes. The more obstacles I can overcome the more capable I feel. So when I master something like MailChimp,  MailChimp for me is like trying to assemble an Ikea bed, I feel like super woman!

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It’s the same with my yoga practice.

When I started yoga we didn’t have google. There was just me, my mat and a book called ‘Light on Yoga’ by B.K.S Iyengar. In the book, Mr. Iyengar, one of the modern fathers of yoga, demonstrates poses that look near impossible to execute. But being young and enthusiastic I tried them anyway. And slowly with determination, I mastered each pose and birthed my first home practice. Having a daily appointment with my mat, instilled discipline, self-care and the ability to feel into what was needed.

So even though I encourage my students to come to class, I’d actually rather they had a home practice. The more you can motivate yourself the better you’ll feel about yourself and your ability to do anything you set your mind too.

Today’s yoga practice for the online yoga challenge, Better Diabetes Management in 7 Steps with Yoga has been all about simple moves to increase circulation, something you can do at home every day. If you’d like to join us it’s not too late just head here

with great respect…

Rachel