The Good and the not so good

Who I am I kidding I am not at all sad to say goodbye to 2018. Yes, it was a year of many milestones, such as continuing to launch the book and creating an online summit, not to mention getting my BG levels under control.

But that doesn’t mean I was running around with a 24/7 grin on my face.

It’s been a year of tightening the reins, learning to say no, reaching out for help even when I was ashamed too, accepting that situations aren’t always how one imagines and giving myself a break.

And I know I haven’t been the only one plowing through in 2018. Most everyone I’ve spoken to says it’s been a tough one. Tough externally and internally.

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Luckily I have a gratitude practice. I’ve learned to focus on what’s working and to acknowledge that. Gratitude for me can be as simple as an internal thank you when something goes my way, engaging in a creative endeavor like writing, painting or singing or landing on my mat so I can let go and feel all the feels.

Gratitude is also about acknowledging the individuals and support groups that truly make my day and remind me that even though sometimes it feels like things are just too tough to bear, there are others just like me facing this condition with courage and tenacity.

Together we rise!

So as I bid farewell to 2018 here are some lessons learned

  • When in doubt reach out. People are ready and willing to help
  • Find out what people want before you create it
  • Do what you do best
  • Living simply is a blessing
  • It’s okay to rest
  • If you can’t give materially give of yourself
  • Learn to listen
  • Reuse, recycle, waste nothing
  • Tell your friends you are grateful for their friendship often
  • Be in Nature
  • Cry when you need to and make sure you get in some good belly laughter too
  • When things feel overwhelming do one task that you know will yield results
  • Eat well and sleep well
  • Turn a hobby into a skill that you can use to serve others
  • Seed an idea without expectation
  • Develop a physical or mental focusing practice that you can repeat daily to bring a sense of meaning and purpose to your life

Happy New year! (2)

Wishing everyone a wonderful and blessed  2019

with great respect…

rachel

 

You Are That

The other day I was scrolling through Facebook and I was captivated by a song. Within minutes my toes were tapping, my body was swaying and I was humming along. Listening was pure bliss and total happiness. At that moment I forgot myself, my life with diabetes or anything else for that matter.

The benefits of yoga are many, however, the benefits are not just the product of targeted exercise or the marrying of mind, breath, and body.

They are the direct result of choosing to immerse yourself in a focussed activity that momentarily suspends the idea you have of yourself. That idea is a conglomeration of a lifetime of experiences, conditioning, and beliefs. In psychological terms, it is referred to as your identity.  When our identity is suspended and we are no longer identified we feel blissful, Ananda, because we are the bliss.

Bliss is not a state-it’s the nature of awareness and who you are.

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So what is your bliss? Is it music, dancing, cooking, laughing, being outdoors, playing with friends? Whatever is blissful is only blissful because of you.

Let that sink in for a moment.

It’s easy with this condition to focus on what isn’t bliss.

Like daily finger pricks, site fails, too many lows and highs, carb guesses, medical costs the never-ending 24/7 vigilance of a condition we didn’t ask for and can’t get away from that leads to burnout, depression, and anxiety

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But that kind of focus, the one where we naturally go isn’t doing anyone any favors

I’ll say it again.

Whatever you see as blissful is only blissful because of YOU. Without you, there is no bliss.

The next time you do something you love, and you find yourself forgetting everything and you are swept up in the magic of just being.

Stop and remember yourself.  YOU ARE THAT.

with great respect…

rachel

Want to bliss out? Check out my yoga playlist on Spotify curated especially for you. Click the image below or head here

I’ve come a long way baby

Today is my Diaversary. Ten years of living with diabetes and baby, I’ve come a long way. When I was diagnosed, neither I nor my health care providers knew a lot about the type of diabetes I had. Type 1 LADA has such a slow onset that it can appear as prediabetes or even type 2.

Ten years ago I had no idea the DOC (Diabetes Online Community) existed either so I never reached out for support. Besides my motto was, “Yoga teachers don’t get diabetes or if they do, yoga fixes it.” Thinking this way was wrong on every count. Looking back I’m glad I hit rock bottom because it took a crisis to wake me up.

Even though it was tough and took a while, the path I’ve gone on has made me more compassionate and inspired my mission to support others living with this condition to thrive.

This morning I jumped on Instagram to tell my story. Check it out below.

With great respect…

rachel

 

It’s Okay To Receive

I’ve just made up a new word. It’s “GIVITUDE”

Givitude is when you find a way to make your gratitude a gift.

Giving is natural. From smiling at a stranger to donating to a cause, most of us without even thinking about it give in little ways every day. How many times have you opened a door for someone, offered directions, taking a partners hand, or called a friend just to listen?

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When I consciously give and my gift is received I find myself falling into gratitude. Gratitude that I could help someone feel better, learn something new or overcome a challenge. I don’t give expecting something in return rather I know that the giving will give me gratitude and the gratitude I feel will inspire more giving.

In the diabetes community giving seems to be a given. When I first reached out online to tell my story and ask for help I had over 25 replies in five minutes. Those five minutes changed everything. I went from feeling isolated and anxious to feeling seen, held and supported. I remember being overwhelmed with gratitude and longing to meet each person who had responded to my call for help. My next thought was what can I do for them? How can I show my gratitude?

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The answer… it’s okay to receive.

When someone gives you a gift it’s yours to receive. Think of it as creation, giving to you in the form of that person, situation or experience. In fact, when you analyze it, creation is giving everything to us all the time. The air we breathe, the ability to breathe, the trees that keep our atmosphere balanced, the earth which enables seeds to grow into trees, the sun which brings life and light to all things.  It’s all going on effortlessly.  Isn’t it amazing that we are free to enjoy creations gifts?

When I first found yoga my body went through some radical upgrades. I became stronger, lighter and more flexible and I was surprised at how resilient it made me. I changed my diet and rested more. I took my time and immersed myself in nature.  Time took on a different quality and I was more content. It was because of these simple gifts that I decided to become a teacher. The benefits of the practice were tangible and I wanted to share.

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Not much has changed other than now that I live with diabetes, I feel an urgency to share. Yoga was my lifeline in dealing with the crippling anxiety of starting insulin and my rock when I felt overwhelmed and alone.

Since coming out of isolation it’s been my mission to enable people to feel happy, healthy and free in spite of living with this chronic condition. I truly see yoga as the key to that and the greatest gift.

This Thanksgiving I invite you to take a moment for yourself. Receive your breath, feel your heartbeat, your ability to love, give and receive.

And… if you’d like to bring more yoga into your life join me in this downward dog for all levels in the video below.

with great respect….

rachel

One step closer

I’m back and so is the blog. Thanks to everyone who participated in our Diayogi Dialogue Summit. The feedback was phenomenal and even though I created and launched the summit I felt like I was a student along with everyone else.

I now have more yoga management tools under my belt to help me with the highs and lows. The Summit will be listed in the menu tab of the blog until the end of November to coincide with Diabetes Awareness Month so if you haven’t had a chance to watch all the episodes yet just go here and scroll down to find them all.

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Today marks the start of Diabetes Awareness Month and this is also the month that I was diagnosed 10 years ago. I feel like I have grown in leaps and bounds since then. From sitting in my endo’s office in total denial to being on a full insulin regime and getting my A1c into the normal range.

If you live with diabetes you know this isn’t easy. For me, yoga has been the key ingredient and learning to trust my body and life itself. As I’ve been upping my fast acting insulin doses, introducing more foods and finding the right balance between rest, work and home life, I finally feel in control of how I manage my daily life with this condition.

At my last doctor’s appointment, my doctor was encouraging. He celebrated my A1c results with me while offering a different kind of goal for my next visit. He said his aim is to help me normalize my life with diabetes so that injecting and checking my levels is a seamless experience.  He compared it to the everyday routine of brushing my teeth. I had to smile when he said this. I mean who can compare 7 injections a day to the painless swish swish of tooth brushing? But still, I get the gist.

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As I get used to fine-tuning my doses and the timing of the shots it gets easier and easier to get on with the day and the enjoyment of this precious life. I may not be a pro just yet but I’m definitely one step closer.

with great respect…

rachel

 

Yoga makes the difference

Diabetes sucks. I know I’ve said it before but this time I really really mean it. And it’s not just because of the endless needle pricks, the shaky blood sugars, the near-death episodes or dietary issues. It’s the financial side. Why does having diabetes cost so much? I get choked up when I hear about how people are rationing their insulin, how insurance companies change what type of rapid or long-acting you have insurance for against your best interests or that in some countries people walk miles to take just one shot a day because of lack of refrigeration in their homes.

Things I take for granted here in Australia like subsidized insulin and test strips are nonexistent in other parts of the world. So I know I should be grateful. And I am.

But sometimes I need to vent. Because diabetes comes with a price. Knowing I have to keep some funds aside each week to cover my test strips means keeping to a tight budget.  And that’s not accounting for a week of lows where I use test strips like candy. It often means saying no to something I’d love to do so I can live well another day.

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I’m a girl with a mission. Yoga is my lifeline. I am convinced it’s the reason why I have managed my health so well in spite of my diabetes.  It has given me a positive outlook and a wealth of stress management tools. Writing the book has been my way of giving back. But writing a book and having a mission doesn’t mean life is all rainbows and unicorns. It takes hard work, dedication, consistency and total conviction to bring a project like that to fruition.

And here’s the thing…

The more I push myself out there, the harder I work to share,  the more I am seeing that people living with any type of diabetes aren’t jumping up and down about yoga.  You know what they say in marketing? You find your ideal client by touching their deepest longing. The biggest faux pas is creating a product no one wants. Even worse is creating something they don’t even know they need.

Enter Yoga, the new kid on the block in diabetes management. Will medical institutions endorse it? Will the media expound it’s benefits? Will bloggers and podcasters rave about it?

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Eventually yoga for diabetes will go mainstream.

I know that a simple yoga practice makes the difference. I for one am going to keep creating quality content for you. Things you can do today that will make a difference to the numbers on your meter, to the way you feel about your diabetes and even more importantly how you relate to your health and wellbeing in general.

Even 5 minutes of a consistent yoga practice can make a huge difference to your day.

So… what’s on offer this week? A FREE 20 minute yoga practice designed to reduce stress.

All you have to do is click this link and you’ll get it in your inbox straight away.

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I can’t wait for you to join me

with great respect…

rachel

 

 

 

 

I am lucky to be alive

I’ve waited all week to write this post because it’s about time. Time, I threw my hat in the ring for National Diabetes Week to raise awareness about the signs and symptoms of type 1 diabetes.

My personal diagnosis story started long before my actual diagnosis. It began with a sense that something wasn’t quite right with my body. I had always been a frequent visitor to the toilet and had a tendency to be on the thin side. I told people I had an overactive bladder and yoga kept me fit. It took a total exhaustive collapse for me to sit up and take notice. But even then I refused to take action. It was my husband who took me to the doctor and suggested I have some blood tests.

My doctor at diagnosis didn’t have a clue. He shouted the word “diabetes” at me and shoved a few pamphlets in my direction. I remember leaving his office dumbstruck. How could this be happening? Was he for real?

Luckily I was able to see an endocrinologist a few days later. He looked over all my blood work and scratched his head. I don’t think he’d ever met someone in their 40’s as healthy as me with any kind of diabetes. He advised me to get a glucometer and to keep testing. We were to keep on eye on things before drawing conclusions.

With a stricter diet and lots of yoga, I managed to keep my levels in check for at least a year. But I wasn’t out of the woods. A GAD antibody test revealed Islet cell antibodies. That meant the source of my diabetes was autoimmune. I remember asking my doctor if I could reverse it. The slow nod of his head said it all. “As long as your levels stay in range you won’t need medication. But eventually, you will.”

I played the waiting game for 6 more years… waiting for the symptoms to worsen, for the levels to rise. With every blood test, I battled to get my levels down. Then I burnt out. I stopped going to the doctor telling myself I had everything under control.

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in 2014 at 46 kg, 6 months before I started Insulin and 6 years post-diagnosis

In 2014, I broke down. I started peeing several times a night, I was down to 46 kilos, I’d stopped eating and increased my exercise. Nothing worked but I didn’t give up. As long as I had energy I assumed diabetes hadn’t got me.

Man, was I wrong.

Diabetes had held me in its grip from day one. If only I’d known sooner the ramifications of delaying insulin. How I might have preserved more beta cells. If only I’d understood how much damage high blood sugar causes to the nervous system, cells, and organs. Then I wouldn’t have mild neuropathy or such trouble with my digestion.

It took a crisis to get my attention and a community to bring me back to vibrant health. The moment I started insulin was the day my life changed for the better. I found a thriving community of people living with Type 1 in the blogosphere and on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I reached out, asked questions and informed myself about my condition. As I grew in knowledge, I realized that with better information, more resources and awareness around type 1 diabetes I might have taken action sooner.

My biggest message for anyone out there is to be aware of the 4 T’s  ( Tired, Thirsty, Thinner and Toilet) which can affect anyone with any type of diabetes. If you live with type 2 catching these symptoms early is key. Some people living with type 2 can go up to 7 years before detection. Early detection of type 1 saves lives.

I wish I could say I believe there is a cure around the corner. I am hopeful for sure. but hoping doesn’t change the present moment. For now, cure or no cure. I live with diabetes. I have come to terms with my diagnosis and gone on to live my best, happiest most positive life.

I tell myself every day. I am lucky to be alive!

with great respect….

rachel

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Striving for gold

It’s been a long road. From my initial diagnosis in 2008, starting long-acting insulin in 2014, to finally biting the bullet by adding short-acting this past January,  I’ve reached a milestone. A thumbs up from my diabetes HCP.

I have never put so much hard work into anything in my life. Counting carbs, measuring up minute insulin doses, Intermittent fasting, diligently sticking to my twice daily yoga practice. Staying hydrated, sleeping 8 hours a night and doing everything I can in the middle of a non-stop book launch tour to avoid stress.

It’s been a marathon!

Hearing, “Your diabetes is under control.” didn’t make me hoot and holler or give me permission to drop the ball. Instead, I feel apprehensive. What if I can’t keep it up? What if it was a fluke? Even more pressing is the thought,  “I can do better.”

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But then what? Getting my levels in the ideal range is a worthy goal. As hard as I’ve worked in the last 6 months I know I’d have to work even harder.  The big question right now is; am I up for it? Or… is it okay to paddle for a while?

I’m ready to pause. Pause perfection, pushing, expectation, assumption, hope, striving.  Ready to receive, let love, reflection, acceptance and guidance flood in.

When I was studying ballet in my early teens and starting pointe work  I assumed that the elegance of balancing on the end of my toes would be the ultimate pinnacle. In reality, it was unglamorous. My toes were often bloodied and bruised. I developed bunions and callouses and would wince and limp for days and weeks after practice. I learned over time to distance myself from the physical pain and to shut down any feelings of inadequacy around the shape and strength of my feet. It was in the depersonalization that I mastered the ability to balance and turn. It wasn’t easy but I did it.

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I feel the same about living day in and day out with diabetes. Taking a few steps back, a breath, a moment of stillness when I feel everything backing up on me means I can pause and begin again.

Even though I’ve spent the last 6 months striving for the gold standard and achieved it. I’m ready to create and adjust.

That’s the essence of what it means to be flexible in yoga practice. When a posture feels insurmountable, you don’t push to your edge. Instead, you back off, warm up the surrounding muscles and work up to the pose over days, weeks, even months. A slow build yields lasting results.

So instead of cutting back more on my carbs, increasing my insulin doses and watching every mouthful. I’ve got a plan. I’m going to be like the tortoise in Aesop’s fable, the Tortoise, and the Hare.

Slow and steady wins the race.

with great respect…

rachel

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When Gratitude Steps In

About two weeks ago I had my worst low ever. We were on the road driving. Luckily I wasn’t at the wheel but being somewhere between Jugiong and Gundagai (yes those are names of Aussie towns) it was still scary.

As it was happening I kept racking my brain trying to figure out the why. I hadn’t over injected for lunch or had I? Did I take an extra unit of basal insulin in the rush to leave that morning? I’d already had a near low the day before. Was I just that little bit more sensitive to Insulin from our sunset walk the evening before?

Whatever the reason, the one and a half tabs I popped weren’t working fast enough.

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I had to play the waiting game. We stopped at a fancy pub and I made an obligatory visit to the loo. Every time I go low I might as well have a tiger chasing me. The feeling is exactly the same. While in the lavatory I kept a close eye on my levels but sadly the numbers weren’t looking good. I couldn’t make my trusty mySugr app lie. The numbers surrounded in color-coded circles kept going lower. Orange had been replaced by red.

I popped another tab while my body began to shake. Everything looked blurry, I felt blurry and at the same time, my thoughts were like sharp bubbles that I could catch and get lost in. I made my way back to my husband who was waiting for me at a lone picnic table and told him I was still low. He held me and we waited. I kept testing and finally ten minutes later it came up a few points. We got back in the car. Disaster averted.

The rest of the day I felt fragile like I’d been poked with a stick. The days that followed were filled with unmanageable high readings. And I was scared to take insulin. I took it but I was still scared. I went to sleep at a higher level just to be on the safe side. And when I woke up higher I didn’t correct. Instead, I waited for it to gradually coast down by midday. Every time I tried to gather the courage to be a bit more accurate with my dosing I couldn’t do it.

And it dawned on me. This is what burnout looks and feels like.

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It’s taken me two weeks to find my confidence again. Gratitude has been the first step. In the depth of the low, I remember thinking quite clearly how grateful I was that I could still think clearly enough to test my blood sugar, that I had glucose tabs on hand, that my partner would come find me if I hadn’t come out. I felt grateful for my breath which I began to watch rising and falling in my chest. As the next two weeks unfolded, I was even more grateful for my daily yoga practice.

The ability to step on the mat and feel peace, calmness, stillness. The reminder that the experiencer, the seer, the one having the highs and lows is unaffected. As much as I want to believe I am my body, I cannot be my body. My body is something I have. As much as I think I am my thoughts about my disease. My thoughts are something I have. As much as I want to think that I am the disease, diabetes is something I have.

The depth of gratitude cannot be underestimated. I know it is a way of being that works in any situation, any crisis. I believe it is an essential yoga practice.

If you want to know more about gratitude and how it shapes my life with diabetes I recently sat down with my good friend Lauren Tober the creator of A Daily Dose of Bliss and A Grateful Life Podcast to share about Yoga, Diabetes and why I practice in my P.J’s.  Listen to the podcast and if you’d like to join us on a Daily Dose of Bliss registrations are open now.

Podcast on Gratitude with Rachel Zinman

with great respect…

rachel

 

Grace

There’s a lot of things I am supposed to be doing today. Writing three blog posts, sending out my newsletter, contacting media, calling a friend, organizing my travels and paying my bills. But I can’t.

I’m tired. Not just because I am on a steep learning curve with my diabetes management having added fast acting insulin to my regime, but because it’s too much to be a one person everything.  I wish I could press the slow-mo feature on my iPhone. Life and its pressure are relentless. I ache for simplicity.

When I first set out to write this blog I assumed I’d be sharing tons of yoga sequences, with tips and tricks for making life with diabetes easier. Even though that’s been the main focus, I’ve also realized that blogging about chronic illness and expressing my feelings about what it’s like to live with diabetes are as therapeutic as the practice itself.

When I write I find acceptance and gratitude.

There’s an image I use when things get tough. My yoga teacher gave it to me years ago as a way to let go and acquiesce to circumstances.

I imagine myself on the ground, belly down with arms outstretched at the feet of something greater.  Call it divinity, a deity, the beloved, creation. Whatever I call it for me, that image is grace. I literally “pray for grace”

And even if my prayers are not answered the way I would like I always feel lighter, more courageous and ready to try again.

With great respect…

rachel

Rachel Portraits 2015-96