Subscribing to the Unsubscribe

It’s tragic, that moment when my inbox flags that someone’s unsubscribed from my newsletter. I know it’s not personal, but it is.

Feeling the inevitable gut punch when I post a newsletter is something I’m getting used to. It’s why I find it harder and harder to send them out and truth be told I’m a little envious of my unsubscribers. I’d like to do some unsubscribing myself

Like unsubscribing from Type 1 diabetes.

IMAGINE

It’s 6 am. I roll out of bed and pad to the computer, As I watch the myriad of newsletters come in the subject, “LOW BLOOD SUGAR” is staring me down. I click through the dropping numbers and glucose tabs to the fine print. Who wants low blood sugar in their inbox anyway? Not me. With a quick click, I’m done. PHEW!

One less newsletter to worry about until breakfast.

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The inevitable ping reminds me my next newsletter has arrived. This time the subject line reads, “BOLUS for BREAKFAST”. Again I scroll down to the teeny-weeny lettering and click the unsubscribe link, only to be led to a page which offers me numerous other ways to resubscribe

Bolus for Lunch ✅

Bolus for Dinner ✅

Basal for Bed ✅

Inject for a High ✅

I go through the process of unchecking all the boxes and BOOM no more bolusing for anything!

I feel an incredible sense of relief until I realize, I’ve got another mail. That annoying one where I have to manually write to the person and ask them to personally unsubscribe me. The subject reads, “Unknown Reason for High”.

As I write a diatribe to the person for not taking me off the list I find myself confessing, “Don’t you know I’ve tried everything already? Why can’t you just make sense? It’s no use showing up if you’re just going to be irrational.”

Blah Blah Blah

While I’m at it I rage unsubscribe to everything.

A bird flies overhead, the Sun rises and sets. The wind blows through evergreen trees and I feel calm again. I’ve tamed the beast and lived to tell the tale.

Now wouldn’t that be nice…

With great respect…

rachel

 

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P.S if you’d like to subscribe to my newsletter go here 

2 thoughts on “Subscribing to the Unsubscribe

  1. LOL you need an early adopter gmail account. I have a cool email account phillipsr@gmail.com. Cool right? Nope!! Not at all. See there are many phillipsr’s in this world. Like one who lives in Huston TX, he has over 800,000 airline miles, flies to Europe often and buys a lady at his home expensive underwear. I know I get the receipts and catalogs. His name is Reginald. Or the one who lives in North Carolina, he is looking for a job drives a 2002 Saturn and apparently has many repairs. Oh he needs tires as well. His name is Robert. Or maybe the lady who lives in Florida. She is a bartender, collects unemployment often gets job offers and shops at a large mall in Ft Meyers. Her name is Roberta.
    Now what do all of these people share, repeatedly? My Email address. They all think their email is phillipsr@gmail .com. No matter how many times I unsubscribe it they reuse it. Oh and joy of joys? The fellow in Huston? Yeah he bought a new Lexus. It must be very nice. It cost $107,000.00 It might have come with some nice ladies underwear, I mean who knows?

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